The Journey: My Life in 2015

My Miraculous 2015

Yesterday: I woke up in the morning not feeling like doing my bible study. It happens from time to time. I usually hop out of bed excited for this quiet and alone time before everyone else gets awake and moving and demanding this and that from me. I usually love my time with God.. but from time to time I don’t feel like doing it especially when there are things happening that day that I need to prepare for.  But I did it anyway, and what a blessing I received.

As I read through my devotionals and started to study some books of the bible, this entire past year came to my mind. It was a year full of miracles for me. A massive change has been made in my life, that maybe seemed small day by day…. but looking back on the year, I see how big it really was. I can see how God has helped me work through some things, some big things… how He answered so many prayers of mine and how my attitude and mind has changed about so many things in one short year.

If you read no further than this… please hear me when I say: submission to God, obedience to God, and reading the bible has completely changed my life. If you want to know more, read further…. but if you want to experience this for yourself, do those three things.

John 10:27  My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.

Mid-December 2014: I walked through my kitchen distraught, disappointed, ready to give up on certain areas of my life. These problems seemed impossible, to big and to complicated to repair. I stopped by the kitchen table and placed my hands palm down on that table and hung my head and prayed. “God, I can do NOT ONE THING to fix this… this might be unfixable… I give it to you… in fact, I give everything to you… I am yours… use me, guide me… I am tired of trying to do this by myself… I have no idea what I am doing.” This prayer came from the sincerest and most broken part of my heart. There were things I tried my whole life to cover up and stitch together in my heart… just to find that my stitches don’t hold and my cover is not sufficient. I was tired and I was ready to let go of the grip I had on trying to maneuver and control situations… I couldn’t and would’t keep fighting. Before I could lift my head I literally heard the words “shut up”. “Don’t speak, except for when absolutely necessary, until I say it is okay.” I laughed out loud… again, I literally laughed out loud! Did God just tell me to shut up? Yes, I do believe he did… and I obeyed. Except this "shut up" wasn’t angry, it was loving and it was a relief… It meant I didn’t have to come up with anymore arguments about why I was right and why anyone else with an opinion was wrong. It gave God a chance to speak to me and work on my heart more than ever before. It wasn’t easy… there were times when I wanted to fight with words… I knew I could… I have only practiced this skill my entire life…. but I didn’t and I changed and I let God speak for me so many times…. and the outcome was clearly a miracle. It wasn’t very long and I was able to start speaking again and when I did, I spoke from a different place in my heart… my thoughts and words were not even close to perfection… but they were healed in a way… and they would continue to heal throughout the year. {please understand that I didn’t stop speaking entirely… more that I was non confrontational on certain subjects and did not fight back when angry words were spoken to me …. by anyone… when normally I would have been quick to defend myself, I became defenseless on my own ….it’s called submission ;) and I had a lot to learn. }

January 2015: I began a blog… this blog… my outlet to speak and my hopeful witness to God and how He can change things when we submit. I also started a book study by Kay Arthur on character changing using the book of Matthew and more specifically the beatitudes and Jesus’ sermon on the mount. The book by Kay “Lord, only you can change me” (very appropriately titled), began to help me allow God to change my character… and He certainly did that very thing. The Bible is enough, don’t get me wrong… but my learning that I wasn’t as smart as I thought by going more in depth with the words in Matthew really changed my perspective. You could find me in tears after almost every day of study. Realizing that my whole life, I was selfishly trying to be a “good person” but behind that was a blank stare and a big “WHY” written on my heart that kept leading me back to the same old things and the same old ways. The inner struggle was real.. and this study tore my heart apart and then started to put it back together again the way that God has always intended it to be.

May 2015: My oldest son graduated and I went though the motions with him with a heavy heart. I felt like the part of his life with me having any influence was over. I wondered constantly if I did a good job as a parent. My heart broke thinking about all the heart break he has endured though his life… he has experienced the death of so many people close to him throughout his life… more than I think anyone should have to endure. He is a wonderful child and always has been, he taught me so many things…  but I wondered if I taught him enough. But as I watched him throughout his senior year… I know that there is a great amount of love in his heart. He is a big brother to 4 kids (3 of which are mine) and I know he would go to battle for any of them in a heart beat… God has surely loved and protected him. He has something important to do with his life and he knows that and so do I… and now he embarks on his own journey to find his own way… it is a bumpy road, but I fully believe in this son of mine. And while he learns about life, he continues to teach me. I can’t look at my other 3 kids the same way now after seeing my precious oldest becoming a man and realizing how fast this happens…. I kiss my little girls chubby cheeks a bit more often and watch my 12 year old live his life with a beautiful heart and a loving soul and remember to be thankful… my 4, well, they are exactly perfect for me in every way. My greatest gift on this earth and quite possibly much more happiness than I deserve, my 4 children with Drew as the beginning of my life as Mom.

July 2015: There was a memorial service for my sister who passed away due to a tragic accident 13 years ago. She was involved in so many things during her short life… this, apparently, has left a lasting legacy at the college she attended and in the hearts of so many. Many of the girls that knew her and some who have just heard her story came forward during the memorial to talk about her influence on their lives. It was an emotional celebration of a beautiful life cut short. I know that God has his reasons for every season… but we miss her… she was loved by so many. This is a story to tell all on it’s own one day… but for now, I can say that there is a scholarship in place in her name and that her legacy and her eagerness to help others is still alive. And she is frequently thought of by so many people and considered to this day, a blessing to us all. So we thank God for the time she was here…  she was a major influence on me and I am thankful for this moment I had to be proud of her achievements and the person she was during this memorial. It meant so much to my entire family so, thank you again to those involved in this.

August 2015: I reunited with my Dad’s family. To make a very long story short (I wrote about this briefly in a previous blog), my Dad abandoned us when I was 11 years old… he dropped us off at my maternal Grandparents home in Butler only to come back once for a very short period throughout the rest of my childhood. We kind-of lost touch with that side of our family after the death of my paternal Grandparents. It has been many, many years since I have laid eyes on my precious and beautiful Aunt Jo. I thought about her often over the years… knew she lived not very far away… but was scared to reach out. Then, my family and I were at an event out of town when I saw a man that looked so familiar but I could not for the life of me place him to a name. I turned to my husband to ask if we knew him and it suddenly clicked!! I said to my husband… "I think that is my first cousin!!!" I could barely stop starring at him and another cousin that was there as I saw my own brother, my sister, myself and my Dad in their faces… this is MY family. But they don’t know me. I sat for a long time.. I was near where they were sitting… I tried to find the courage to go and speak to them and tell them who I was. It took a full hour and encouragement from my husband and even my mom (she wasn’t there but I called her to ask advice- as usual) I finally went over there and told them who I was… they greeted me with love, hugs, phone number exchanges, and an invitation to a family event coming up soon. We went to that family event and I got to see and hug my beautiful Aunt Jo and meet most of my first cousins and their kids and families. I got to listen to them talk and was amazed by them and the familiarity in their faces. They are beautiful, kind, loving and accepting… and I am blessed. This was and is an event I will never, ever in my life forget. The part of me that seemed so distant and forgotten… suddenly was present and it was good. I know that only God could have made these events all fall into place as they did. There was this big hole in my heart where my Dad had been… and although I still do not know where my Dad is… his sister and her children filled up this hole so perfectly… it was just what I needed to happen. I am so thankful for my family… the ones who stayed and even the ones who left, and on that day especially the ones who have been returned to my life.

August 2015: A trip to the beach had me meeting my newest cousin Molly who lives in England… and my sweet and like-a-sister first cousin (Ashley- Molly’s mom) and her family. Spending time with them and my Aunt Peggy has always been, throughout my entire life, some of my favorite times… and this was no exception. I also, during that trip got to spend time with one of my closest (also like a sister) friends Carmen. Carmen once again proved that she has one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know. She not only accepted my children and I into her home (for the second time in one month) to stay for two nights… she treated us like we were family and went out of her way to do something kind and unforgettable as she has done so many times in my life. She and her sister Candace have “taken care” of me and my kids so many times I can’t even name them all. I have had friendships and still have so many great and special ones… but no one does friendship as well as these twins!! The both have a heart to be admired. I thank God for sending them into my life. They have surely been a blessing so many times. I always wish I could to re-pay them although I know in the way that they are friends to me… it would be impossible to re-pay. I would however, unknowingly during this visit, be very soon put in a position to do something for them… and I am forever thankful for that opportunity to be there for them as they have always been there for me.

August 2015: My second to youngest child, my precious daughter Melody started Kindergarten. I felt like a yo-yo… graduating and beginning kindergarten with my children within months of each other. I was terrified that the uniqueness of Melody would cause her trouble at school. She is special, different and particularly beautiful. I am becoming fully aware that God has made her all of these things for a reason. And I know she has been accepted just as she is and even very specially cared for by some of the other wonderful children in her class and she has made so many new friends. There is nothing like watching children and their acceptance of one another to humble you and remind you that each of us are unique and special and particularly beautiful in our own way… and that we should all care for each other. And I continue to learn from my own children… and their friends.

October 2015: As my photography business began it’s busiest time of the year, I begin to question my career… is it enough? Am I serving God? Tough questions… hard thoughts… contemplation. I prayed for answers. My business is blessed, I am not sure if I am talented or just very strong-willed but I strive to be the best I can be at whatever I am doing…. and my job is no exception. I have seen my work and skill level grow though out the years that I have been doing it. I have seen my skills be sharpened and my job become a blessing to me and my family and other families. This year especially my abilities grew as I slowed things down a bit and concentrated more on each client. My clients have all been a blessing with compliments, loyalty, love and patience. I feel like God sends me the best of the best to work with… but I might be a bit partial ;) Working with editing has become almost like playing music… creating something beautiful for someone. I still questioned my job though… is it enough, am I serving God? My answer would come. During a phone call my Mom said to me “your gift is far reaching” discussing one particular picture that had been given as a gift in a hurting relationship between two people. My eyes filled with tears as I said thank you to my Mother who God so often uses in my life to clear my way of seeing things. I said thank you to her and to God for a better vision of what I am doing and what I can do.

November 2015: This is not my story to tell… I will just say that my sweet friends that I mentioned earlier called me to do pictures of their family and then two weeks later went through what has to be one of the hardest times in their lives. It was a shock and happened very unexpectedly…. but for the small bit of comfort I was able to be a part of, pictures with their loved one… I am forever grateful that I could. God had his hands on every part of this. And He used me to preserve some very precious last days. I love this family and have no doubt the God loves them very deeply as well.

Mid 2015-November 2015: Honestly, my family and I have been off and on in church for years. When we go, we go to MCBC… the most loving place on earth (to me) but I still lacked the understanding of why going to church was important. I wasn’t sure that this is where I was needed or if I should go anywhere at all. My Mom (again a mouth for God) said to me kindly while discussing this “what if everyone thought that way? what if there were no church to go to? what would the world be like then?” and that profound statement/question made me rethink MY questioning. Yes, church is very important and yes, for SURE we are supposed to be going!!! FOR SURE!! You see, this church caught us with open arms when we fell into the community and during times of tragedy. The loved us, cared for us and were there for us during very difficult times. What was I thinking questioning it? I don’t know really… just room to grow I guess…another opportunity for God to reshape me. And that reshaping came in the form of Jamie, Melissa, Terry, Teresa, Syliva x2, Mrs. Anita, Mrs.Eldora…. and so many more people at this church. I have to very specifically thank my mom and Jamie & Melissa…. three people who let the Holy Spirit guide them fully… without you I just don’t know where we would be. So, we are in church…the kids are getting involved… Chris and I have been blessed to be a part of the youth and children music program. And I can honestly say that the people here see and want to help Chris and I use our gifts and abilities as well as they use their own gifts and abilities to glorify God. The blessings are there at every turn we make getting closer to our church family and I thank God for this reintroduction to these blessings. I appreciate it now more than I ever have. We feel needed and wanted and it has renewed a purpose for this place for me… it has always been special but now it is fully treasured and understood.

December 2015: Two impromptu prayer meetings with two very special ladies in my life (Ashley- a true friend and blessing- my sounding board and my fellow dreamer and follower and Myra a Christian influence in many lives who has no idea -I don’t think- what good things she really does for people around her) helped me learn to pray out loud. I have struggled with this but they held and squeezed my hands as my small shaky voice attempted to say out load what was in my heart. I am not sure if I did a good job, but I know that I have made a huge leap… I have always struggled with putting a voice to my inner thoughts in almost any situation. What came out of my mouth at times was what I thought other people wanted to hear, not what was in my heart. Writing is easy… I can write what is in my heart…. but to actually speak it, has been a struggle for me. So, to these two ladies who prayed first and then let me make my attempt… thank you. I needed to start somewhere safe and you both provided that for me. God loves you both and you have been a blessing in my life so many times.

December 2015 to now: I felt lead recently to read Ecclesiastes (the book in the bible) and then to 1 John… and that is where I am now. BUT Ecclesiastes led me to a BIG HUH???? As I saw my own life, filled with questions and saw my own past in Solomon’s struggle to attempt to find the meaning of life, I wondered why this book was in the bible at all. And then I realized that it is a lesson. There have already been people before, way smarter than us that questioned it all… life, church, their jobs, their work, their friends, their children, their marriage, their relationships, the earth… and we all will eventually come to the same conclusion. God is in control and we must submit to Him to find the true happiness He wants us to have… there will be things that are beyond our understanding but we must have faith.

And now 2015 is coming to an end… and I look back on it all as a whole and realize that it is a wonder. What has happened to my heart and my life when compared to this time last year is nothing short of a work of God. You can look at each thing individual and dissect it until you find it was just good… but I can see the journey and I see a miracle. My heart has changed… it is not a physical thing I can hold and show you… and maybe I didn’t even express it in this writing, but it is as real as any physical thing you can hold… or even more so.

God bless you all and I pray that 2016 holds just as many sharp turns and realizations that may lead us closer and closer to Him. Jesus is waiting… he was waiting for me… I thank God my life and heart finally broke enough for me to allow Him in. I feel like I was the most stubborn of us all, and if He can change me… I can just imagine what he will do for you.

Merry Christmas

Love,
Andrea

An honest life

There is an honesty that comes with a terminal illness. The honest truth of a terminal diagnosis strips down to the bones of things.
It strips down to the essentials of life. And from what I can see, a reckoning comes with this kind of closing.
A reckoning where priorities are weighed and the essentials of life for each person are alienated, estranged from the superfluous. And those essential elements are united as a collective output—to live!
 Live like LIFE has never been lived. Live like LIFE itself depends on it.
It becomes a survival to live—and not to live just to survive. I see that there is a difference between the two.
This truth has no room for false footing, nor does it wait for people’s approval. This honesty has no time for people to consider and confer, it only has time to deliver. And what it delivers is a truth so pure that the kingdom of heaven opens, the angels attend to hear, and God, Himself, is so pleased that He calls out and brings the truth home.
“Death is swallowed up in victory, O’ Death where is your victory? O Death where is your sting?” 1 Corinthians 15:55.
I sat down recently with a dear friend of mine from high school who faces the truth of his terminal diagnosis, not only every day but he admits that he faces it second by second, not knowing when it will be his last.
As I listened to him and his courage to live, something became transparent to me—he is living everyday like there is no tomorrow. He is no longer concerned with the foolish things of this world, those things that so easily can consume the precious time that we are given on this earth. He is fixated on giving to his family and to the ones around him the very thing that is the most undervalued element in this world—love. A compassion has welled up inside of him and though he battles some concerns, he is at peace with himself. He is at peace with his diagnosis. And in a world that is ever backstabbing and callous, and ever disruptive, peace is an article of value that is an awesome trade-off! It is a freedom from civil disturbances. It is a universal, complete abandonment of fear.  It is a state of quietness and tranquility that can’t be valued until you experience it, at any cost. Or until it is lost.
This holiday season, my prayers are with those facing a terminal diagnosis. I pray that your  heart is guarded by peace. Peace stands guard. “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7.
My prayers are with family members, friends and anyone who is dealing with a loved one who has a  terminal diagnosis—you are loved and I thank you for teaching us a life lesson with your very lives! I pray that God brings healing, comfort and strength to your mind, body and that your spirit is renewed second by second.
And my love is with my friend and his family, I am blessed for knowing you Shawn. Now let’s enjoy some living!

Keep on the firing line

We have battles in our lives that hurt us to our core. Troubles that touch our spirit in such a way that those disappointments could keep us bound to them, forever tackled to the memories and the pain. And that is what the enemy of our soul wants. So that we can't be effective. So that we can't be a positive influence in the world around us. But that is not who we are, if we are a child of God. If we are a child of God, then we understand that times of testing will come and that those tests are real hell and brimstone fire blasts of our character, of our commitment to the teachings of Christ. In those times when hell is brewing with fire, it's not a comfortable place, but a real place of sifting out what could be the death of you!  It is warfare.  It is in those times of warfare that character is tested, where strength of will is tested, where your belief in what God promises--- is tested. It is there in that developmental place that God outfits. He addresses doubts.  Doubting during this time comes natural because the foundations of who we are--are being tested. Cracks will reveal themselves. The enemy can use a hairline crack to seep in to bust open the gates of hell. 

 But God is exact. He gives exactly what you need.  God fortifies those who seek Him out. He will not leave one doubt unattended. And those who turn to Him for His strength cannot be left in a weakened state. I woke up to the song "Firing Line". Hear the words: 

1. If you’re in the battle for the Lord and right,
   Keep on the firing line;
   If you win, my brother, surely you must fight,
   Keep on the firing line;
   There are many dangers that we all must face,
   If we die still fighting it is no disgrace;
   Cowards in the service will not find a place,
   So keep on the firing line.
   • Refrain:
     Oh, you must fight, be brave against all evil,
     Never run, nor even lag behind;
     If you would win for God and the right,
     Just keep on the firing line.
2. God will only use the soldier He can trust,
   Keep on the firing line;
   If you’ll wear a crown then bear the cross you must,
   Keep on the firing line.
   Life is but to labor for the Master dear,
   Help to banish evil and to spread good cheer;
   Great you’ll be rewarded for your service here,
   So keep on the firing line.
3. When we get to heaven, brother, we’ll be glad,
   Keep on the firing line;
   How we’ll praise the Savior for the call we had,
   Keep on the firing line;
   When we see the souls that we have helped to win,
   Leading them to Jesus, from the paths of sin,
   With a shout of welcome, we will all march in,
   So keep on the firing line.
4. The music is upbeat. The rhythm uplifting, and is the opposite of how real life battles can feel. But in scripture, God directs us to praise Him in the battle! 
5. Warfare is humanity at its worst. It is bloody and violent. It is foe against foe. There is no friendly resolve. There must be a victory and there must be a defeat. Those are the terms. The enemy of our soul must be defeated. Either we lose some character flaw or gain something of great value. Our goal is to have faith that right will win and our spirit will soar in victory and we come out with a new resolve-- that no weapon formed against us will prosper. And that those hairline cracks that were revealed are repaired. So to my dear sisters who are on the firing line and facing certain battles--maybe you are facing oppression that could kill you or depression that bounds you--whatever your situation, where ever you are-- lift up your battle cry to the Lord and sing His song of victory. Trying times must come,  but defeat-- defeat is optional! Keep on the firing line! http://youtu.be/DGPrl8qiVxs

A woman falls or fails and that is nothing new

A woman falls or fails and that is nothing new

Failure is nothing new. God makes all things new, according to Revelations 21:5. And we understand that He does not fail.  It is not in His nature. So failure is old. It is as old as the story of creation. And in Genesis, an account was written of the first woman, really of the first person, who failed! How would you like that infamy? But her failure set a pattern that if followed by women today, will lead her down a path of frustration and pain, and away from the good things in life. So let's examine this woman and how she failed. For if God did not want us to learn from her failure, He would not have inspired the author to give its account. Sure, we have heard the old adage "If at first you don't succeed --try and try again". That statement rings true, but indicates some failure happened at some point and is to be expected as we learn something new.  But if a pattern of failure is followed time and time again, something new must come along to break that pattern up.

And that is where God comes in and brings wisdom to enlighten. That is where He steps in and brings commands, not to be a bully but to be a savior.

The Garden of Eden was a life setting for Eve and Adam. Even today, God has plans for every single woman, man and child. He has an ideal setting that will lead to an exceptional life. A life that doesn't learn from bad choices, but a life that excels lead by the Spirit of God to good and pleasing things. A life's work with a purpose. 

But in the middle of this life setting called Eden, in His infinite wisdom, He planted various wonderful pleasing choices to dine on. He made trees grow that had seed and trees that bore food for nourishment. 

He planted in the middle of this garden two trees that received certain designations. One was the Tree of Life, the other the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. He commanded them not to eat of the latter, warning that if the tree of the knowledge of good and evil was eaten, then they would surely die. 

In other words, He warned--- don't hunger for good and evil. Don't hunger for both. Don't hunger to know evil. I have many many good things for you. Trust my command. 

A choice though was given. 

God did not cage and feed them. They freely walked about. But God did make the tree, as the opposite of the other, since one was life the other lead to death. 

I believe that the tree of life must have been vibrant, alive, and exceptional. Because according to scripture, all the trees were pleasing to the eyes and in some way brought life, and had life in them. But this one tree was called the Tree of Life. 

And God gave them a choice between the two. He gave them options. Only people who are free get options. But still Eve defied God's plan. 

It's still the same today. In the middle of every life circumstance, you will encounter options--the way to life or the way to know evil. Envision both trees planted. See that slippery serpent slithering down to tempt you in one form or another. He is the tempter. He makes you question rights and wrongs set out by God by twisting the truth so that it appears okay to try. 

Some life circumstances do look pleasing and may for a moment taste good and will fill your gut. But if it's contrary to the word of God and is fruit that leads you away from God, away from his commands-- it's sin.

If you listen to the serpent's lies, like Eve, and fall to his whispers, then know your life will dramatically change. 

Soon after the sweetness left Eve's lips, she felt fear and shame, and she hid herself. Her pain multiplied. Sin brings frustration, agony, despair, and fear -- lots and lots of fear.

The tree of Life was not called the tree of life and death for a reason.  It stands as life. It embodies. It reproduces. It thrives.

Eve knew she was subject to God's command. She even added to the serpent that touching the fruit, would lead to death. But her senses were engaged by the serpent. She desired to have the wisdom of God, but not listen to God's wisdom. And in that burning desire she alienated herself. She was stripped naked of His likeness.  Eve was not wise, but a fool who listened to half truths from a crafty critter. Her gain was the full knowledge of evil that she soon used as she duped Adam into being ---just like her. And here is another kicker: the serpent convinced Eve that by eating the fruit of evil that she would be like God but she failed to remember that she had already been made like him, in His image. That slippery serpent is crafty at using words. 

Life will present itself with choices. Choose wisely and seek the likeness of God and what would please Him.

My prayer is that everyday I strive to be more like His image, and less of my image.
Be blessed. In Love, Ashley
I

The journey to Unshakable...

.... confession....
I write a blog.
I read other people's blogs.
I realize that I am not a writer.
I decide to try to do something other than write for this blog.
I write again.

Repeat....

It is really what happens over and over. This is not my job, I don't HAVE to do this if I don't want to.  Any and every excuse in the book hits my brain, tells me I am not worthy and then slowly fades as I wait for my courage to build up to do it again.

That is basically my battle with myself in all aspects of my life and one that most of us are familiar with. When we take on a task that is purely from the heart with no worldly obligation and almost no peer feedback it sometimes takes a turn and we hide from it ... for a while... until we are pulled back to the simple meaning of what we were trying to accomplish in the first place.

You see, it's not about the quantity... the number of clicks, likes or views, it's about the quality of life. When I write I am brave, I stand for something and I believe in something. I am not trying to prove that I am a writer, I am trying to improve my relationships with God, my family and my friends. I am not trying to "preach" or claim some entitlement that "I know better than you know"... I am simply trying to build upon a faith that lives inside me and do it in an outwardly manner so that others will know that this is who I am. The simplicity of it all is that I love God... I want to serve Him and I want to do what he tells me to do... so I write.

1 Samuel 12:24  
Only fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you.





When and why did it become so difficult to stand? It is a question that some of us believers are struggling with, myself included. We want people to know that we are not the judge but the servant, that we love them because not only are we commanded to but because we actually do....  we also want people to know this Love that we know. I think the verse above sums this problem right up. We should only fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all of our hearts. When we fear others, we fall.... when we fear the Lord, we stand.

What does it say to people when I am too scared to write or serve in some way? I am pretty sure it says that I am unsure... that I am more scared of others than I am concerned with serving God and doing what He wants me to do or that I have better or more important things to do with my time. I can't say that at times it doesn't feel like all of these things are obstacles of mine... they are. But God is the master of all things... even the little obstacles that my mind creates to hinder me from being a servant.

If all of this servant business sounds more like a chore than a blessing, then let me assure you... the greatest I have ever felt in my life and about my life is when I feel I am truly a servant. It is pure joy when I follow God and to allow him to guide me to my best, most purpose-filled life... it may not be the "best" that I had in mind sometimes... so it's a good thing he does know what is best for each of us. When becoming a servant.... it's the decision before the reward that we get hung up on... its the obstacles and challenges that scare us the most.... like they say, "getting there is half the battle".  Once we are there though- our priorities shift, our experiences become blessings rather than burdens and our life shifts from "me -mode" to "I am loved greater that I deserve -mode". Not every problem will be instantly solved, not every decision will be instantly clear... but we will have a peace and comfort knowing that we are loved and taken care of completely.

We can't stand in fear of other's ever changing opinions... we can't stand in fear of stepping over some invisible and untrue, man-made boundary of beliefs... when we try to stand with these limitations and falsifications, we WILL fall.

We CAN stand in fear of our GOD.... we CAN stand by being a servant to Him. We can watch the world try to knock us down and shake us up... knowing that He helps us stand and He alone is the only thing that WILL hold us up.

We can let God help us become unshakable.
 
UNSHAKABLE... it's a blog about my journey with GOD ... and I will write it!

Love,
Andrea

What the Heart is full of....

Luke 6:45
A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. 
For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

The mouth speaks what the heart is full of....

Once I told a friend how sweet I thought her husband was.... he had been very kind to me and I wanted her to know that I noticed and that she was lucky and blessed to have a thoughtful spouse. She laughed and said yes, he is a very sweet person... to everyone but me. I told her that is how it is so often.... the ones you care about the most are the ones who get to see what your heart is really full of.

In a conversation with my 11 year old son last night, I talked about recognizing that all adults will not always be perfect. He was upset over seeing an adult act out in a childish way. It was hard for him to understand that even the people that we are taught to respect the most, are the ones that we often feel are undeserving of that respect. I told him that our reaction to others actions or words,  reflect what is in our own hearts ... and that is what we are truly responsible for. 

When I was my sons age my father abandoned me. He brought my Mother, sister, brother and I from New Jersey to Butler, Alabama and dropped us and all of our belongings that we could fit in a u-haul off at my Grandparents place that summer with promises of returning before the school year started. I rode with him all of those many, many miles in that u-haul while my Mom and siblings rode in our car behind us. We talked on the way and he told me that he was changing jobs and was going to get a home settled for us and would return to take us to that new beginning with him. I believed him.

By the end of the summer and as the school year came closer to beginning he had not returned and my Mother had no other choice but to get us enrolled in school and continue life with us in this new situation. 

Those last few days before school started, I remember looking out the window if I heard a car pull in the driveway to see if maybe it was my Dad coming to get us, it wasn't. I was not angry but I was extremely confused. 

I can only guess now what my Dad's heart was full of. 

The things I learned that summer were heartbreaking. I had to quickly learn that the people that seemed kind, the people that were supposed to protect me, were not perfect. My life had been pretty perfect up until then. We had a happy family, I thought. We had moments, as all families do, that were not ideal but I trusted and believed that my parents, both of them, would always take care of me. 

I still have a hard time understanding why the people we are closest to are the ones that hurt us the most. But I realize and as I told my friend that day about her husband... the people that we are closest to, the people we trust the most and depend on the most just simply have the ability to hurt us the most. And when we let part of ourselves be vulnerable and someone takes that for granted... it shows you what their heart is full of.


I tried to tell my son, who is so much like I was at that age, to prepare his heart to forgive so his heart won't, in return, become full of evil. 

My mother and Grandmother taught me that summer that I have to break the cycle. We can't live a good life when we let someone else determine what is in our own hearts and what we pour back into the world for all to see. 

It is easy for our hearts to become full of evil when we feel we have been mistreated. It is easy for the abused to become the abuser and blame others for their own words and actions. 

I could have harbored evil in my heart after the situation with my Dad, my friend could have responded to her husbands cruel words behind closed doors by being cruel in return and my son could have rebelled against the adult who disappointed him .... but what good would have come from that. 

We cannot allow our hearts to become filled with the evil that occurs around us. No matter if it is something we are confronted with daily, we must forgive constantly to be able to keep our hearts filled with good. 

Most of us have had instances of an evil heart pouring out evil to us in our lives. I am still constantly surrounded by negative and evil... in the form of words now. Words that strike deep into my heart. Words that might make me feel worthless and unloved had I not already learned a long time ago that I have the ability to forgive and to understand that an evil response to an evil heart only creates more evil. It is a constant struggle to keep on forgiving... to keep on telling myself that these words I hear cannot sink in so deep that I start to lose myself. It is a battle for my heart everyday. So, that is what I tried to tell my friend and my son. 

A good man/woman brings good things out of the good stored up in his/her heart.

Do not let anyone cause your heart to store evil. Because your heart will (by your actions or words) eventually speak what your heart is full of and we, by our own choice and the fault of no one other than ourselves, can send good or evil back out into this world.

so..... What is your heart full of?

Love,
Andrea


 


 

 



 





 

I choose grace....

GRACE: Grace is God's unmerited favor. It is kindness from God we don't deserve. There is nothing we have done, nor can ever do to earn this favor. It is a gift from God. Grace is divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration (rebirth) or sanctification; a virtue coming from God; a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine favor. (definition from internet search)

Genesis 2: 15-17
15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 16 And the Lord commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die."

Above is the moment that God gave one of the first commandments to the only man (at that time) on Earth. Although this was commanded by God, Adam was given free will and the ability to make the choice to decide to obey or not... fully knowing the consequences of his choice.

We all have the God given right to use the free will He has granted us. We cannot love God without this privilege of free will.  It is not possible to enter into any kind of loving relationship without free will. That is the reason we have it... God wants us to choose to love and obey him, fully knowing the consequences of our choices.

The Bible is full of many more commandments from God for our lives. Each commandment is issued with a purpose of a more fulfilling and joyful existence, and on the other hand, each commandment is issued knowing that each man gets to choose to follow these or not. Each time a commandment is followed you become closer to who God intended you to be, and each time a commandment is disobeyed you step farther away from that most important relationship.

In our lives sometimes we feel like for each step closer.... we take two steps back.

Presently, there is a confusion in the air and conflict stirring. It is not a new thing on this Earth... it continually happens and will continue to be present as long as man has free will... and free will is from God so it will continue to live in some form. When we choose to follow the commandments and believe what is in the bible and practice these things, we are accomplishing what God has intended for us.

It is time to seek the truth and use it in our lives to create a reflection of God's desire for our time here. Take this time as an opportunity to dig deeper into our relationship with God and live in his will for us. It is time to trust less in man and more in God and His word.

The truth is - God did give us all free will.

Yes, this freedom and your decisions WILL impact your fellow humans and the world we live in.

No, we are not all going to agree on every issue.

Yes, we will have to look deep into our hearts and make choices for ourselves and wish that everyone would see things the way we do... but they won't.

Yes, we are still commanded to love each other anyway.


The 4th of July, our Independence Day, is approaching and I can't help but think of my Grandfather who was born on the 4th of July and served in the military. He once asked me about a decision I made. It caught me off guard when my 90-something year old grandfather asked me... "Andrea, if you knew what he was doing, why did you marry him?" speaking of a former marriage of mine during a divorce that was certainly one of my "two steps back" that I mentioned before. But we all sin, and I certainly have done my share, thank God for forgiveness. I couldn't answer my Grandfather that day so I just sat there in his prescence wondering what he really thought of me. He looked at me for a few moments and then said "well, now you know better" with love in his eyes. He still loved me.... whew! He was even giving me permission to try again. He wanted me to know that he knew what I did ....and he expected better. He would not and could not force me to do better..... but just knowing he trusted me to make the right decisions and that he still loved me, made me want to be better.

We each have free will and we each have the responsibility that comes along with it... we have a description of what is right and wrong... it is spelled out for us in the bible. We have all made choices that disregards these words that we are meant to live by.  It is up to us to decide for ourselves what we will or won't do from today on. Everyday we make those choices... but God still loves us and we should still love each other despite these decisions and even when there is confusion on what our response should be to other people that do not believe what we do.

My advice... lets all take a deep breath, read the bible and love God first .... He will show you how to love others. We should realize that each person has the freedom to make a decision about their own lives. We cannot and should not try to FORCE our beliefs on another person and they cannot and should not try to FORCE their beliefs on us... God did not force us to love him therefore His consequences and judgements are not for us to hand out to each other. We can encourage, we can love and we can live as an example and we can share the truth.... we are not responsible for our neighbors decision but for our response to it, our example for them, our choice to love them and for our own decisions in our own lives.

God knows all and He is the one true determiner of right and wrong. GOD gave us freedom to make choices.... and the responsibility to reflect Him in our responses to others.

I choose to respect that God granted each of us free will. I choose to believe that God is in control. I choose to remain in a relationship with Him. I choose to believe what the bible says and to try my very best to obey each and every commandment. I choose to forgive myself for all the times I didn't obey him because He has forgiven me. I choose to be peaceful. I choose to love. I choose to stand in God's great grace for us all....

Love,
Andrea

"The Power of Praise"

By: Ashley B. Downing

Never underestimate the power of praise, if God our Father takes pleasure in praise, it is only natural for His children to be encouraged by compliments. The assurance that you give someone by acknowledging their skills, talents, and abilities gives support and cheers a person on in their development! Where would our little ones be without the support and praise in reaching milestones, like taking those first wobbly steps? Whatever our chronological age, we are still God's children. 

 

Praise propels a person to fulfill their purpose. People confuse flattery with sincere praise. Flattery is fake. Flattery is emotional manipulation rooted in insincerity. Compliments are honest, sincere unselfish expressions that provides assurance. Compliments compel you to reach the next level.  Praise propels a person to fulfill their purpose. And how extremely pleased we are when we fulfill our purpose!

Self-esteem and self-worth is found at the cross. I am not talking about self-esteem. I am talking about esteeming others, aiding them to be all that they can be in God, fulfilling a duty as brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles, grands who have been adopted into the family of God.

Scripture says: "Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying, Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets."

—Matthew 22:35-40

In other words, that double reference is really the core of Christianity. God should consume us. He should be in our hearts, souls and minds. Our social interactions should be filtered through  love. We are to love our neighbors like we love ourselves. This begins in praise and ends in a whole lot of joy!

Haters are going to hate. Encourage someone today and see how your words make a positive influence in someone's life. There is enough hate in the world.

My Prayer for you and me: Father, Please bless this person reading this and awaken their heart to You. I pray that you are acknowledged right now as the one and only true Living God, perfect and profound in every way. I ask for grace and perfection, for myself, and my neighbors, because I understand that perfection can only come through Your grace, first. Please encourage us as we move toward fulfilling your perfect will in our lives and fulfilling our joy! Thank you Jesus for the work on the cross and the work of the Holy Spirit. In Jesus name, Amen! 

{Loves}, Ash

 

 

 

 

 

Responses ... and the mystery of the missing text message

So, if I were a writer for a mystery show, say Scooby Doo (.... because that is about as mysterious as we get around my house), I would probably use the title of this blog post as the title of one of the episodes.  When I wrote for the local paper, I always had a problem with choosing a title for my articles... I would either (a)be too wordy and explanatory about its contents or (b)leave it with a vague one word title that didn't leave anyone wondering or interested in what I had to say. I would just let an editor or publisher come up with a suitable title 90% of the time. Now, for this blog, I feel the need to be totally creative for the purpose of grabbing your attention. So maybe this isn't really much of a mystery... I could probably explain it away easily.... although, I don't really know the true occurrences in this particular situation. But, for now I am using the title just to get you to read this, so if you are already here, you might just want to read on!! I do believe I am writing for someone other than just myself!!! And after all, sometimes it's  really not about the message...  it's more about the response!!!

The mystery:
It was a hot but rainy afternoon in these parts of Alabama... and I was feeling a bit down. Maybe the graduation of my oldest son had gotten the best of me ... it is a season of change for this Mom and I am slowly adjusting. In the midst of these feelings of resenting this change, I craved only the words of someone who loves me unconditionally, someone who goes out of their way to make my life just a little better or easier... someone like my own Mother. I had received a text from her a couple of days earlier. The text was short and simple and of a spiritual and uplifting nature. I will not repeat the text because I, as  a general rule, don't share texts from other people with anyone if they are personal or without their permission. I will just say that, at that moment, I wanted to re-read this particular text, thinking it would make me feel better.
I opened up the message on my phone and realized that the text was missing... not all of the text messages between she and I, just the one that I wanted to read. What was left and the only reason I knew for sure that there had ever been that message, was my response, "Oh that is so great!!"... and a couple more words.
That was a couple of days ago, but this morning I woke up thinking about the vanished text and thinking that there is a new message in my very own response. Although I can't explain how a text message was plucked out of a group of to-and-from text messages between my mother and I, I can say that what remained was my response .... and mirroring life in certain situations, sometimes all we are left with is our very own response.

Thinking back:
When I had the idea to create a platform to speak out about my beliefs as a Christian... the idea was stemming from a feeling or a message that I received. I had a felt a "pull" (is the only way I know how to word it) to write or speak or be used in some way to talk about things... mostly about loving one another and sharing my journey as I become stronger in my faith in God.... what my co-blogger Ashley and I refer to as becoming Unshakable. I feel this same thing almost weekly, much like I did this very morning of what to write and how to write it. This "pull" forms the content of my blog posts. I realize that I can't make you, the reader, feel this pull... I can only attempt to make you feel something by my response to it.

To You:
I think we all feel these pulls and urges to do certain things when we let God take control of our lives. But, I also believe we shouldn't get caught up in trying to convince someone that God is using us for something in particular.... because while others may not ever be able to see our received message, they can see our response. Sometimes, it is just all about the response.
I encourage you to respond when you should ....because the true message meant to be heard or felt will live in that response. There is no better feeling than letting God use you for good things. If you feel unworthy or incapable, that is only in your mind... you never were intended to set your own limitations with regards to sharing the joy and love that is God.

and on another note....
In some situations we should think think about our response:
Think about our responses to every day situations... when we choose to judge someone, when we choose to post or re-post an article, picture, or just have an original thought on social media and especially when we add in our own response to whatever the situation might be... all that people are left to know about  me is how I responded, if we choose to put that out there. As the world is today, we all have the freedom to give other people a feeling for who we are and what we stand for by what we post on facebook, twitter, blogs... or whatever form of social media we use.  That freedom also gives us a responsibility. Our response identifies us as belonging with one group or another, with one belief or another. How about think about it first? How about think about others first? How about let God be the judge... or how about stand for something that actually needs standing for? How about think about the real reason we love to display others faults? How about thinking about standing in the crowd on that day Jesus was judged... are we in the crowd that screamed "Crucify Him"? Or are we one of the few that choose a different path? Think about how Jesus taught us to let the person without sin cast the first stone. Think about how the disciple's responses to Jesus' life have changed the world and how we too can change it. Think about who we really are and who God wants us to be.

The thing about responding is it can do good or bad... it can create a positive or a negative change in our mentality or morals... and  it can leave others either bitter or better.
As for the mystery of the missing text message... my response is still all that remains... and so I realize the weight of a message is sometimes only visable in our response to it, and that is what we have left to pass along to others.

Let's think about responding... and when we think about it, think about God's love.

Love,
Andrea




 

Friends...

To my friends,

What is a friend?... a friend by definition is a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.

My three year old... who I love to quote often because of the innocence, honesty and humor in her thoughts.... was hugging her older sister and looked up at me and said "Mommy, I have a sister... do you have a sister?" I smiled and tried to think of an answer that she could understand... I replied "yes Summer, I have a sister that lives with Jesus." She said "Are you sad?" I have no idea why she would have asked me that... did I look sad when I said that? ... I attempted to say it in a positive way but maybe she saw through that? "I am a little sad that I can't hug my sister like you can" I replied "but I am happy my sister gets to live with Jesus. I am happy God gave me two little girls who I get to watch be sisters and love each other, and I have other people that are like sisters to me here... God sent these people to be part of my life... they are my friends." She asked who.... and I am blessed enough in my friendships to be able to have named a handful of people... a few who she knows and she smiled when I said their names. And then she changed the subject to princesses and pink dresses but left me thinking how blessed I am to have the friends I have and how I hope my children have these same blessings from their own friendships.

The story of my sister is for another blog post at another time. And, the friends I named to my daughter don't take the place of my sister... who, looking back now, was truly my best friend. But my friends are so special. Each one of them listens to me when I need them to. Each one of them has been there for me when I called them. Each one of them has seen me through different and sometimes difficult times in my life to help pick me up and move me along.... just like a sister would.

I have no doubt in my mind that along life's path, we are destined to encounter people who redirect us.... who change our way of thinking and open our minds to new possibilities. The ones who truly care where we end up, we call our friends. To be able to name a few people who fit this description in my life, is truly a blessing.

I am watching my children grow and make friends of their own. I treat these friends of theirs like family... just like some of my close friend's families have treated me. Because I realize that when the time comes and they are out there on their own, the friends will be the ones with them through some things and not me.

Along the way, some of these friends come and go... some have even gone in an indescribably heart wrenching way... but left a profound impact on mine and my children's lives. We count each moment as a blessing now, always in the back of our minds not knowing which is the last. Some experiences, we pray we never have to experience again.

But, what I have learned through my friendships and my children's is... to never take friendship for granted... whether it is the friendship from a sibling, a neighbor or a best friend.... it is there for a reason... the two of you, of us, have a bond of mutual affection because you were meant to be in my or their life.

God sends us who we need when we need them or when they need us...  even if we can only be together for a short time.

My message to my children is to be the friend my friends were and are to me.. loyal, trustworthy, respectful, giving, helping, loving, thoughtful, fun and supportive.

I love you, my friends, and pray that my children have or find friends that are much like you! (And loving my kids as much as I do, I don't think I could compliment you better than that statement
!!)

Love,
Andrea

It's time to move! ~~Ash

I have been busy and I know that my co-blogger, Andrea, is feeling the crunch of life, as well, but we talk often of our blog and how we want to keep pace with our writing, and want to include it in our everyday lives. It may not be a daily blog, but what happens in our daily lives definitely forms our blogs.

Both of us have been in moving mode! Andrea moved the location of her business and I moved into a new home. So life has been a series of trips and hauling boxes from one place to another. Boxes, boxes, boxes! Those boxes revealed my life and my family's life. And man did I sort some stuff out! Making decisions to hold on to or let go of certain items was exhausting at times.  I must admit that I held on to some junk for sentimental value or because it had been a part of my household for years. Even though, I have absolutely no use for some of that junk, I still held on to it. But isn't that what we do sometimes? Don't we hold on to junk when we should just let it go? In my new place, I have found that junk that I carried over,  has gotten in the way and takes up much needed space that could be used for something useful, something better. And this moving experience taught me that it is easier to accumulate stuff than to move it!

That can be said of our spiritual life, too.

Maybe it is time to sort out some things that you have been holding on to just because you "own" it. If the past keeps you in a place of shame, although you have repented, then it is time rummage through those second- hand goods and sort it out.  Some of that junk can be recycled and used for the good, and some of it should honestly be scrapped--lesson learned, it's nothing more than official trash. 
So, my sisters,  let's work together to let go of our hoarding tendencies. How can God replenish that which is full of refuse? That is a waste!

 A storehouse that is full, even of junk, satisfies space--it is time to break through, clean-up and get to the fresh new wine! He can restore in ways that are far superior than anything we can imagine!

"Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best. Your barns will burst, your wine vats will brim over." Proverbs 3:10

Pray that God shows you what needs sorting and restores exactly what you need!

And Praying that we remain faithful to a faithful Father! Ash

A message from a tiny ant....

Many years ago, after my sister and I had been called weird many times (by our friends and usually in a friendly way), we made a decision that when someone called us weird... we would just say thank you and take it as a compliment. Our reason-- it is easy to be the same, it is more difficult to be who God made you to be. Never has there been a better time (that I can think of) to form opinions based on what is truly in your heart and not based on those ants marching beside you:

I have been so busy lately that I feel like I am running a marathon most days. As life goes, and most of you probably feel the same way, I have intentions of doing this and that... I even make a to do list at the beginning of each week... and try to check off as many things on that list as possible. Some days I just stop for a few seconds and think... really? Is this really how it's going to always be? And then I try to remember what it's all for. And I take a few moments to look up and give thanks and remember that nothing is as important as one thing.

I can imagine if one were to be able to physically rise above this world and look down at our world as a whole.... we would all look like little ants. Ants always look busy running here and there but following the same path as the one before them.  Just think of those ant farms you can buy, the ones that are thin and glass so you can see all of the ants as they go about their daily routines. We, I am sure, look like those ants from up above.

To my eyes, looking down at this ant farm, I see busy little ants and wonder what they are in such a big hurry for. They spend their entire lives slaving to build their homes and increase their numbers and what is it all for?  Does even just one ant stop to look up at me looking down at them? Maybe... maybe there are a few ants in the farm that realize there is someone bigger and much more powerful watching. Maybe these few ants realize that this someone could easily wipe out the entire farm in seconds if that is what they choose to do.

Other ants think that this tiny ant farm is all there is .... they think whatever decisions they make are only seen by their eyes or the ones right around them. They think it is okay to live in a way that totally disregards the fact that there is a powerful someone watching every move they make and every form of communication with each other.

Looking down at these ants... maybe they start to make terrible decisions... because they are angry, because their fellow ants are not doing exactly what they want them to... so they turn on each other. These ants begin to commit horrible acts .... killing, stealing.... all the while I am watching these ants, my ants. The ants I put together in this lovely farm neither acknowledge or appreciate it or each other.

What would I do? The ants have rebelled against each other against and ignored the gifts and freedom that each of them were given... What would you do? If you had the power to end this ... if you saw from above the pain and that the majority had this disregard for life... what would you do?

There is no comparison between the ants and God and his children, really.... because we cannot grasp his love for us and patience with us with any analogy that might surface in our minds. What we would all probably say about this ant farm... this is sad, these ants are not worth keeping, they hurt each other and they think there are no consequences... they think they can keep on living in this place that I made for them while they are corrupting all that is around them and they are changing all that I meant for it to be.

But then, maybe we see that one ant that stops and looks up and says ... wait, thank you!... What can I do to create a change? This ant taps on the shoulder the others passing by and says: look up!!  There is someone watching us... someone that wants us to live in harmony and love... someone that gave us all that we have... let's tell that someone thank you.

Of course, this is a partly silly analogy of life... I try to find my own way to grasp the concept. All I know for sure is that there are some terrible, scary things going on. Why don't we stop and make the attempt to show others the one looking down on us?! Acknowledge that we are each accountable for the change we COULD make!!! ...Are we just too busy or do we think those terrible things that are happening around the world are not happening to us directly or not affecting us directly? Yes, they are.

So in this moment I am just a tiny ant... and I am tapping you on the sholder

We can create a change together ... Just look up with me!

Thank God! He loves us and he shows us he loves us everyday.... even when we are the ants that never look up.

Love,
Andrea

Possum and Sweet Potatoes

Pictured is a blessed and talented resident of the nursing home I visited in Meridian, MS

I hope that the title of this blog post got your attention the same way it got mine.... because after those words "possum and sweet potatoes" were said, a blessing followed. I am hoping to pass along that blessing now.

I had the wonderful opportunity to volunteer my photography skills at a relay for life fund raiser at a nursing home in Meridian, MS. I have always loved nursing homes and the way some of our older generation that you experience at these places seem to have a return to innocence as they age. But along with that innocence, there is knowledge and experience and an acceptance of things of this world and beyond. If you really open your heart to some of these people, you might just get an unexpected blessing.

This sweet lady pictured above rolled into the room where I was set up to do pictures while I was on a break. I sat at one table as she began talking to a lady that was helping me for the day at another table. She began to talk about her life. She said she was born in 1921 and that she married young. She went on to talk about her life and I was listening quietly, enjoying her walk down memory lane until she said this "I couldn't keep anything down when I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing I wanted to eat was..... what do you call it?.... oh yeah, possum and sweet potatoes." I couldn't contain my laughter at this odd (to me) menu. My laugh is always loud and she heard it and looked me directly in the eye and she knew she had my attention as she continued her stories. We eventually ended up in the room with just the two of us. Her joy was contagious to me... this 93 year old seemed like a child playing and giggling and just enjoying her life... at the same time confined to wheel chair and with probably a few more stories in the pile than she wished to recall. I thought of my own life, I thought of my complaints about it... I realized that, at times, I take it all for granted. I totally admired this woman.

Then the biggest blessing happens.... she rolls over to a piano and starts to play... I insist I move the bench out of the way so she can get closer to the keys but she shoos me away insisting that she can play fine just as it is.... and she does... with no sheet music in sight this beautiful woman with beautifully wrinkled and aged fingers starts to play and does not miss a single note of the classic hymn In The Garden. Music always speaks to me on a deeper level and this was no exception. A few more people entered the room while she played and some even started to sing.... I just listened. I wanted to learn more about that song... was it her favorite?... had she known it all her life?... what was that song really about and who wrote it. When she finished, I asked her if she played piano at her church when she was younger and she replied "No, they like for you to read music when you play for church.... I just play, what they call, by ear... I just hear that music and I can feel how to play it". She rolled her wheelchair out of the room after that and left me sitting at that table with tears in my eyes because I knew I had just experienced a moment in my life that I would remember for a long time... people who make me laugh always have my attention and then a musical soul on top of that... she had my complete attention and there was even more of a message to come it turned out.

I mentioned in a previous blog post that I am a "digger" I like to know the background on something before I write about it because it makes me feel more adequately suited to write when I feel informed about something. So, I looked up and read all I could about the song In The Garden. I found when I finished reading one particular article, that I was smiling... I got it-- the connection to the song, the lady, the lyrics and me.... there is always a lesson or message and this time, I got it....

I come to the garden alone
While the dew is still on the roses
And the voice I hear falling on my ear
The Son of God discloses.

And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.

He speaks, and the sound of His voice,
Is so sweet the birds hush their singing,
And the melody that He gave to me
Within my heart is ringing.

I'd stay in the garden with Him
Though the night around me be falling,
But He bids me go; through the voice of woe
His voice to me is calling.

And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.

This hymn was written by C. Austin Miles in 1912. Miles was a pharmacist turned song writer/amateur photographer!!! Yep, photographer!! The story goes that he had a vision of Mary Magdalene while in his dark room waiting on his photographs to develop. He called it a profound spiritual experience. In his vision he was present as Mary visited Jesus' empty tomb on resurrection day. The words to the hymn In The Garden had filled his heart and mind as he came out of the vision... he quickly wrote them down and later composed the music to it. The song became a classic, much loved hymn that is still in most every hymnal printed in America.

Miles wrote this song to take us to that garden with Mary ... to feel that realization that Jesus was risen.

I think the 93 year old lady that I had the pleasure of keeping company with, if only for a few moments, brought me out of my "dark room" where I sometimes go... reminded me of my own "visions" and feelings of what God really wants me to do while I am waiting on certain things to develop. She brought that garden into that room and reminded me that Jesus is risen and he is present and reveals himself in the most unexpected moments. He is there and always reaching out to you and me through experiences, other people and life. It is those sweet moments that bring tears to your eyes when you feel you can almost touch a little bit of what life is really all about.... when you strip away material things and distractions and judgements and just see.... love..... there is Jesus.

Love,

Andrea

Mom, Don't Say Hate!

 Pictured is my three year old: Summer Heart

"Mom, don't say hate" whispered my three year old to me recently. What did I say to cause this remark? I can't remember exactly, but probably something like this:


I hate to wash dishes
I hate to sweep
I hate these clothes
I hate we missed that event


... but really, my three year old made that remark because I, the same Mom that has probably recently said all of those statements above, told her that hate is a bad word. I have taught each of my children that hate is not to be used as a way to describe your feelings toward someone or even something. I mean after all, what I really meant to say when I made those statements above was ... I really don't like to wash dishes but I am really thankful that I have dishes to wash and a dishwasher to wash them in and sweeping isn't my favorite chore but I sure am glad that I have these nice floors under my feet everyday. My clothes may not fit exactly like I want but I have nice things to wear and for that I should be thankful. And, yes we missed going to that event because we had a conflict with an activity with one of my children or decided on family time instead.... so we made that choice and we are blessed to have the freedom to make these choices about our time and our lives.

Ephesians 4:29
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

I need to strive to take the word hate out of my vocabulary. I need to word things in a way that will tell my children and everyone else around me how I truly feel and that sometimes when I say something I really mean the opposite. I don't hate those things... I love those things and truth be told, I am very thankful for those things.  Sometimes I don't stop and think how my words change the minds and attitude of those around me.

The definition of hate is- an intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury.

When hate is directed towards a person, we have a entirely new set of problems. If we feel hate towards someone, we need to dig deeper and find the real feelings we have for them. Are we scared of them or the consequences that their lifestyle and choices might have on our lives? Are we angry with them for words they have said or something they have done? Have we been physically or emotionally abused by them? It is likely that you and I will say yes to one of these things when we feel hatred toward someone.

What does the bible say about hate?

1 John 4:20
If anyone says "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar.

Proverbs 10:12
Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs. 

Matthew 5:43-45
You have heard that it was said, "Love your neighbor and hate your enemy." But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and unrighteous. 

In 1 John 4:20, it tells us that we cannot love God if we hate a person. So if we know that we really do love God,  maybe it is time to dig deeper... we need to try to find out if that is really hate we feel or if that is another emotion. The bible gives us instructions on how to deal with these bad feelings towards other people in Matthew 5:43-45. We must love those who cause us fear, anger or a sense of injury. This is how we become sons of our Father in heaven. God can bring to light the bad and the good in each and every situation. We have the opportunity in each situation to be the light of God and to shine that light so others can see the true way to happiness is by doing the opposite of hate. The truth is God loves you, me, the liar and the murderer. He loves us even when we hate others. But, we cannot be the light of God with hate in our heart. We can not truly love God if we hate another person.

I want to truly love God, I want all the hate in my heart to disappear.

I taught my children not to say the word hate because I know that hate is the opposite of love. God is love and we all know what the opposite of God is... so hate is not a word I like to hear come out of the innocent mouths of my precious children. It almost hurts my heart to hear that word come from them!!!

We are all God's children... I am pretty sure how I feel when it comes to my children and the word or feeling of hate, is similar to how He feels when we choose to hate.

Obviously, I need to heed my own teaching because my youngest has decided she will point out each time I go against it. Thank God for her and the lessons I am taught from little, innocent and curious ears.

It's time to let go of hate and to take hold of love. Let it go in prayer and receive God's Love to fill the space it left. Be the light God wants you to be and thank God for this gift and all these blessings.

Love,
Andrea