.... confession....
I write a blog.
I read other people's blogs.
I realize that I am not a writer.
I decide to try to do something other than write for this blog.
I write again.
Repeat....
It is really what happens over and over. This is not my job, I don't HAVE to do this if I don't want to. Any and every excuse in the book hits my brain, tells me I am not worthy and then slowly fades as I wait for my courage to build up to do it again.
That is basically my battle with myself in all aspects of my life and one that most of us are familiar with. When we take on a task that is purely from the heart with no worldly obligation and almost no peer feedback it sometimes takes a turn and we hide from it ... for a while... until we are pulled back to the simple meaning of what we were trying to accomplish in the first place.
You see, it's not about the quantity... the number of clicks, likes or views, it's about the quality of life. When I write I am brave, I stand for something and I believe in something. I am not trying to prove that I am a writer, I am trying to improve my relationships with God, my family and my friends. I am not trying to "preach" or claim some entitlement that "I know better than you know"... I am simply trying to build upon a faith that lives inside me and do it in an outwardly manner so that others will know that this is who I am. The simplicity of it all is that I love God... I want to serve Him and I want to do what he tells me to do... so I write.
1 Samuel 12:24
Only fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you.
When and why did it become so difficult to stand? It is a question that some of us believers are struggling with, myself included. We want people to know that we are not the judge but the servant, that we love them because not only are we commanded to but because we actually do.... we also want people to know this Love that we know. I think the verse above sums this problem right up. We should only fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all of our hearts. When we fear others, we fall.... when we fear the Lord, we stand.
What does it say to people when I am too scared to write or serve in some way? I am pretty sure it says that I am unsure... that I am more scared of others than I am concerned with serving God and doing what He wants me to do or that I have better or more important things to do with my time. I can't say that at times it doesn't feel like all of these things are obstacles of mine... they are. But God is the master of all things... even the little obstacles that my mind creates to hinder me from being a servant.
If all of this servant business sounds more like a chore than a blessing, then let me assure you... the greatest I have ever felt in my life and about my life is when I feel I am truly a servant. It is pure joy when I follow God and to allow him to guide me to my best, most purpose-filled life... it may not be the "best" that I had in mind sometimes... so it's a good thing he does know what is best for each of us. When becoming a servant.... it's the decision before the reward that we get hung up on... its the obstacles and challenges that scare us the most.... like they say, "getting there is half the battle". Once we are there though- our priorities shift, our experiences become blessings rather than burdens and our life shifts from "me -mode" to "I am loved greater that I deserve -mode". Not every problem will be instantly solved, not every decision will be instantly clear... but we will have a peace and comfort knowing that we are loved and taken care of completely.
We can't stand in fear of other's ever changing opinions... we can't stand in fear of stepping over some invisible and untrue, man-made boundary of beliefs... when we try to stand with these limitations and falsifications, we WILL fall.
We CAN stand in fear of our GOD.... we CAN stand by being a servant to Him. We can watch the world try to knock us down and shake us up... knowing that He helps us stand and He alone is the only thing that WILL hold us up.
We can let God help us become unshakable.
UNSHAKABLE... it's a blog about my journey with GOD ... and I will write it!
Love,
Andrea
